The Woman Knows
by wee-me
Summary: Was Juno always so tough? So large and in charge? How did she get an assistant? What's with the smokes? Come find out. All three parts are posted. COMPLETE.
1. 1 of 3

**The Woman Knows**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the characters associated with Betelgeuse or the movie about him. I own Cornelius and this plot, the rest is the creation of Mr. Burton. I am making no money from these writings (and losing much sleep).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Still not the brain eating story. This story is for Llew: she wanted more Juno _–shuffles papers- _in chapter nine of Pieces and this is what happened. (Also, thanks to Shelly who listens to me whine and tries to keep me sane-ish.) Please enjoy.

Part 1 of 3

Juno had not always been in charge. Actually she had never been. During her living life she had been a doormat that everyone trod heavily upon and paid little attention. Upon her death all that changed. Before she died she was a meek little woman that jumped at her own shadow, but then Death and Fate decided to throw her a curveball. This is her phoenix tale.

After taking her own life she had found herself whirled away to a dingy office brimming with papers. Across the desk from her sat a man worn thin by life and haggard from a long career. The most interesting thing about this man was his flair for fashion; he had turned his hand wrapped death noose into a necktie complete with tie tack. He smiled warmly at her and she realized that she had been staring.

"Juno," he said cheerfully, "Juno, Juno, Juno. You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've waited so long for you to arrive!"

"W-w-waited? H-how did you know I was coming? Who are you? And where am I?"

She began to fidget and looked as if at any moment she'd be pulled apart by her own nervous movements.

"Calm yourself Juno. I am Cornelius, but that's not very important. As to your location and our meeting here, you will Know soon enough. I Knew you were coming because that is my job. Well, my job for the next little while and then it will be yours. But I'm getting ahead of myself."

"J-job? I don't want a job! I just wanted to be gone."

Cornelius looked sympathetic, even though his mottled skin made him seem a bit ghoulish, but it did not comfort her. Why would he feel sympathy for her unless this job was terrible?

"Oh dear, no one wants this job. Actually I've never known anyone that was even aware of this job. But it's yours now just as it was mine when I arrived. At least you can understand me; the gentleman I replaced had this crazy way of phrasing everything into a question. I think he was some sort of Greek philosopher or some such. In any case, it's time for me to move on to the Next and for you to fill my shoes."

"The next what? I don't understand! And what is this job?"

He smiled enigmatically and rose from his seat to stand beside her with his hand patting her shoulder. She felt a trickle of unease at his nearness, but wanted to be reassured more than she wanted to listen to her instincts.

"My dear, I can't tell you about the job, but the Next is what I call what comes after this place when a person moves on from it. Now don't be alarmed, but I'm about to give you your job training. It might hurt a bit."

He placed his hands on (or maybe in) her temples and then she experienced pain like nothing she had ever felt before. Blessedly she fell almost immediately into the welcome black on unconsciousness.

Part 1 of 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: So whaddaya think? Like it? Hate it? Want me to go back to finishing Pieces? Feedback is hugged, squee-d over, and the reviewer becomes my favorite person.


	2. 2 of 3

**The Woman Knows**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the characters associated with Betelgeuse or the movie about him. I own Cornelius and this plot, the rest is the creation of Mr. Burton. I am making no money from these writings (and losing much sleep). I also don't own Cliff's Notes (I won't make any smart-alecky comments about them belonging to Cliff either).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm glad so many seem to enjoy the 'June-bug' story. Thanks to everyone who read and Shelly, Llewlyn, Psychotic Fluffbunny (Mnesomne's Tears), lexijake14, Kawaii Usagi Chan San, e.s, and Mad-Hatter-LCarol for reviewing. Reviews make me insanely happy. Please enjoy.

Part 2 of 3

It was a different Juno that woke up to gentle pats to her cheeks. All the assertiveness and confidence that had been squashed in her during her life had risen up and made itself known. No longer was she the frightened girl she had been in life. Now she had what it would take to deal with the what-s and the who-s that would be coming her way, at least in theory. This change was caused by the Knowing, the strange psychic kick in the brainpan Cornelius had laid on her and she wouldn't be forgetting or forgiving _that _little fact any time in the near future.

As she slumped in her chair trying to remember how to operate her body, and trying to work up the desire to do so, over all of the new information swirling around where her motor skills would normally be she considered how much effort it would take to beat the man senseless. Of course violence would be a good reason to get moving and it worked for her as well as anything else would have. She groaned, once she remembered how, and tried to sit up.

"Better now, dear? Juno? How do you feel?"

"Oww. How do you think I feel? Hmph. I could use a cigarette. Wait. What's happening to me?"

She had never been prone to vices, except reading and flights of fancy, but she had smoked a few times in secret and enjoyed it. Her father had been a heavy smoker, but her mother and siblings had not approved for aesthetic reasons dealing with teeth or skin. She had never before had such an intense craving and she couldn't understand why it would be for something so unexpected, why not chocolate or something like that instead?

"Cravings, Juno? What's your poison? Mine was drinking, though I'd only had a beer or two in my whole life. The 'people' in charge have an odd sense of humor. They think having something a little forbidden from your old life will make this new one more tolerable, I suppose so you'll do a better job. I've heard rumors that before, back when no efforts were made to help the caseworkers, there were bottlenecks and shady dealings. Back then our kind would take off for decades or make deals with less than reputable types to get out of working ever. In any case, mine was booze and the fellow before me absolutely inhaled bacon, I thought I'd never get the smell out."

He stopped speaking to wave his hand around as if daring her to sniff for any lingering pork odor and then he just stared.

"What?" she snapped. "What do you want now?"

He had the nerve to smile at her, which she would have wiped off his face if her hand would obey, and calmly handed her the cigarette case that appeared in the inbox.

"What do you Know?

"I don't! My head's full of…stuff. I can't sort it out. So many names and faces and I don't know who they are or why they're in my head. Ugh."

"My dear, those are you clients. Your duty as case worker will be to help them adjust to death and all that comes with it. You'll pass out the Handbook and you'll try to keep the living from discovering us."

"But I don't want people to die because of me. I don't want this job! I'm not cut out to be the grim reaper."

He sighed again and patted her arm.

"So young and confused, I wish you weren't stuck in this position my dear. As I said, no one wants this job, it is a punishment. And no one will die because of you and you won't be reaping-that's not our department, only Fate or whatever you call it causes someone to die. That jumble in your head is the Knowing and it is the only way you could get the job done well, it used to be done with a checklist. It's like having the Cliff's Notes version of Fate's design, the notes on who's going to need your help and sort of in what order. It is a little like precognition, but not as near, sure, or convenient."

She nodded, but felt the need for some clarification.

"What do you mean 'sort of the order'? And how do you Know who your last person is?"

"Sort of means that you'll mostly get them in the correct order according to your list, but sometimes there are anomalies that lead to revisions. For instance, those souls touched by magic don't always follow the rules when it comes to death. You'll figure out more as you go along. Your replacement will simply feel different from the rest, in my case I felt you from the start. Now try calming yourself and see if you can't make some sense of it all."

Juno settled herself in the chair, lit up a cigarette, and focused on the madhouse behind her closed eyes. After a moment everything seemed to click and the names and faces all shuffled into a sort of ordered chaos. One question popped immediately to mind when she opened her eyes.

"Cornelius, who exactly is Betelgeuse?"

Part 2 of 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Reviews make me squee, please give them forth. Please?


	3. 3 of 3

**The Woman Knows**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own the characters associated with Betelgeuse or the movie about him. I own Cornelius and this plot, the rest is the creation of Mr. Burton. I am making no money from these writings (and losing much sleep).

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Done, yay!!! All done, no more, and updated at a fairly regular pace just to see if I could. Thanks so much to Mad-Hatter-LCarol, Shelly (plus Auntie M's favorite kitten Loki), lexijake14, Kawaii Usagi Chan San (I hope this fits like we talked about), Llewlyn (Enough Juno?), and Mnesomne's Tears. Thanks for the support peoples. I hope you enjoy this last offering.

Part 3 of 3

Cornelius boggled at Juno for a moment before answering; clearly he had been expecting something else.

"Betelgeuse? He's an office drone. He was supposed to pass on years ago, he wasn't a suicide, but he wouldn't leave. Calls himself a poltergeist, I don't know if he really is or if anyone knows what he really is (it was a big part of the gossip when he first arrived). He says his choices got him here which isn't really a suicide, but somehow it's enough of a loophole for him to stay. He's been very quiet since then. Why in the world would you ask about him? Oh no, he's not your replacement is he?"

"I don't know exactly, but he's important in some way. Can you take me to him? I'm not exactly sure where everything is yet."

Puzzled, but agreeable, he nodded and led the way to a far corner station in the paperwork zone. At first Juno believed it empty, but then she noticed the dull green eyes that seemed to be floating in mid-air. As she watched the empty space formed hands just long enough to stamp a document and move it to an out-box before disappearing again as the eyes scanned the next paper in the stack. Apparently staying where he didn't belong working on a dull and meaningless task had taken its toll; it reminded her of the etiquette lessons her mother forced on her.

"Excuse me."

He continued to work: scan, stamp, flick, repeat.

"Excuse me. Betelgeuse? Betelgeuse. **Betelgeuse!**"

The eyes widened then blinked owlishly at her and a questioning grunt sounded from just below them.

"If you want out of here you'll have to do better than that. As my assistant I'll expect you to actually _assist_ me. So get me a coffee, get yourself a body, and get started on my appointments."

The grin appeared first and with no skin for cover the teeth floating there were downright frightening. The rest of his body filled in with a whoosh like shuffling cards and she got her first look at her gamble. He rushed her for a bear hug, whispering '_Knew ya'd come' _in her ear, and then shot off like a comet to do as she bid.

"Wait. One more thing: I don't like to repeat myself so don't make me spend all my time calling you."

His jaunty salute was her only answer, and then she was alone again with Cornelius. She had felt the Knowing set a bit more as they moved, but it had solidified wholly when she saw those sad eyes so much like her own had always looked (except, of course, that hers had always been covered by a skull, not hanging in mid-air). The new information had shown her Betelgeuse and let her come to her own decision about what to do with him: watch him burn up and join the lost souls when he had so clearly waited for her ('_Knew ya'd come'_) or take a chance on him to wreak havoc. Only time would tell if she had chosen correctly.

"Oh my, are you sure that was wise?"

"No, but it needed doing. I'm almost certain that this can't end well. Might be fun though."

"The last time he had any free rein he almost destroyed the whole office and some of the employees are still upset over it. However, I have no doubt you'll be able to handle it."

"So I guess this is…"

"Yes, goodbye Juno. It was lovely to finally meet you and I'll see you again when your time comes up."

A light flashed and Cornelius was gone. She headed back to her new office and her new responsibility with a sigh. The Knowing had started her on a path and at the very least Betelgeuse would keep it interesting. A crash from a room nearby followed by an unrepentant 'oopsie' made her flinch. This course of action was not wise, but it was hers. Soon her life would be filled with laughter, chaos, fun, impending doom, friendship, and something about banishment she couldn't quite see yet. With any luck the headache would be worth it like she thought.

She stepped inside her office and leaned against the door. She cringed as another large crash followed by a cackle sounded from just down the hall, but at least it was the room with the coffee maker so he was where she'd sent him. She pinched the bridge of her nose and lit a cigarette. She hadn't told Cornelius that she couldn't even see the end to her service let alone her replacement, but what she could see had been enough for her to make a fate-sealing decision. After a life of miserable well-behaved doldrums a little chaos looked like a welcome change. She could hope. The sounds of shouting and many running feet came through to her. _'Don't spill the boss lady's drink jerk.' _She pinched the bridge of her nose and started a new cigarette with the old one, not even dead a full day and already she had a headache.

She smiled wryly as the madness continued. Only the beginning.

Part 3 of 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Done. Done done. Now what shall I do to bide my time?

Please review.


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